I'm at the cabin now. It's pitch black outside and the fire's going, and the freezer is making a noise like whales surfacing. I keep thinking it's real. I go outside and freeze my ass off on the front deck, listening.
My last post was written when I was feeling wickedly depressed. That's the best adverb I can come up with: wickedly. Then, in the time between that post and now, things were somewhat bad and then very bad, because my old cat got more and more sick and had to be euthanized. Poor old Midders. I knew it was coming but it was hard to accept. Is hard.
I realized today that this is the first time in my life that I haven't had a family cat. First there was Lenny, then Toby, then Misty III herself, then Ema, then just Misty alone, and they all overlapped so I never had to be without a cat in the house. Now I wonder if, after a while, every cat I see will give me a sharp jab of nostalgia. Or they'll seem gradually more and more alien, like parrots or iguanas. Maybe I'll become allergic. Maybe I was already allergic and didn't realize it, and I'll become not allergic.
But yes, I will miss my cat. I miss all my cats. Except maybe Lenny, who died when I was three or four and used to spend the nights screaming in my closet.
Here come the whales, (not really). The dogs are snoring. I have to put more wood on the fire. Go away now, internet. I'm sorry I woke you.
4 comments:
I have a cat you are more than welcome to. He scratches Judah pretty much every day now. Hmm...that's not a good selling point is it? But I know you understand pets with baggage.
Cabin life sounds cozy.
xx
I'm sorry about Midders, losing a nernie creatures is so hard. Say hi to the whales for me.
I will give you a record of whalesong I got in Taos. It was the day James Brown died, or the day after I can't be sure anymore and this old man came up to me at a record store and handed me a box of records. I presume he thought I worked there. 'These are for you,' he said, 'dont sell the red one.' He looked at me and then went 'On second thought, I'll take that with me' and took a red vinyl. I was too dumbfounded to actually do anything. It was my first time in the store without Veronica so I was all oh wow, what just happened. The whalesong CD was in that box. This is useless backstory. I hope you're well. See you in class. Or failing which, at my tamale party (I make the best tamales you'll ever eat in Canada) at my place whenever it is that I'm undepressed.
Caleb
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh dear.
So sorry.
huggles.
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