Why did I ever keep a consistent journal? It drives me crazy now, especially on nights when I can't sleep, because I can go back a year from today and learn exactly what I was worrying about right then, or the previous year, or farther back than that, and it can't be healthy, can it? To have this stuff so close to hand? It's like time travel, if time travel was depressingly familiar.
Of course it isn't all the same as it was. Some things are missing now and some things were missing then. Which is something I might have written in 2001 and kept to myself.
I don't even know what I'm irritated with. I have to go and read through some pieces for writing class tomorrow and I don't want to. Maybe that's it. I don't even want to think about class tomorrow because they'll finally critique the thing I wrote a few weeks back, and I wish I could just trash it for them and never look at it again. Also, I have to start working on my next thing. Which is scary.
At least Happy isn't constantly needing to piss, tonight. She's been very quiet. I think I'll go and call her a fatty while I squish her head. You know, in appreciation.
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6 comments:
I have a huge box of old journals that date back to grade nine. Despite the thirteen years of safety between then and now, I still cringe while reading them.
I read all my old journals sometime last school year before I moved. And I agree with you about the worrying thing. When I read them I think, "Look how paranoid I used to be about ____, maybe I should start that paranoia up again." Seriously. And then I do.
I also agree with Kimi's comment. It's hard to read those things now and realize that if the me now were to meet the me then, me now would probably kill me then. And with good reason, because I was a mean, stupid, worthless twat.
Do as I do and periodically BURN THEM. It's quite cathartic, and really, is it worth holding onto the self that you once sadly were? I don't think so.
Yeah, someone else advised me/anyone else who keeps journals to burn them every once in a while. But it seems so sad...
Do you still keep up with the log, at all? I remember you reading a small section out to me, at one point.
I'm glad the squishy fatlington didn't keep doing the pee thing. Squishiest squish.
For a while I made a point of periodically deleting my email archive, which can be just as depressing as my log entries, but I haven't done that for a while. Probably because I never go back and read through it.
I don't really keep up with my journal (or log) anymore. I spend too much time on the computer as it is. I have a Moleskein half-full of sad rants, but I haven't cracked it open in a long time.
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