It wasn't this hot when we left for the island, was it? I can't sleep; it's so hot. I've got the fan on full blast, directed at my bed, and I'm weirdly aware that it's drying out my eyes. Because my eyes are open as I'm lying there in the dark. My eyes aren't even making an effort to sleep. About this I am saddened and appalled.
Oh jesus, a bug just flew into my ear. I swear to god a bug just got stuck in my right ear for more than a second, buzzing and tickling. That's not cool. I didn't know they could do that.
Wouldn't it be weird if your belly button wasn't healed over? If it was a true orifice? Would bugs fly into it? If a bug flies into a person's eye and gets stuck, you're supposed to lick it out. If a bug flies into your mouth, you're supposed to bulge your eyes and say "I think I ate a BUG", like Goldie Hawn does in Overboard. I had a book of facts when I was a kid that insisted we all eat seven spiders a year. They crawl into our mouths while we're asleep. What the hell kind of fact is that? How do you monitor this crawling of spiders into mouths? Because I want to know. I really do. Perhaps there should be a prevention kit for this thing. A general, catch-all, bug-into-orifice prevention kit for people like me who are probably going to be awake the next time a spider tries something because it's too hot to sleep and who'd want to? Who'd want to lay out the arachnid welcome mat?
My dog slept all day. She slept under the bed and she slept on my couch. She slept in front of the television and at the top of the stairs. I was so jealous.
1 comment:
omg claire, you crack me up!
well did you ever hear the story of the guy who had a hole in his side? he got shot, i believe, and it healed so that he had a hole going into his stomach. so then these scientists did experiments where they would tie some food to a piece of string and stick it in his stomach, and then pull it out every so often to see how much it had been digested.
i read this story in science class in like 5th grade i think. it was so gross and yet cool at the same time.
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