Driving back from Pilates today, I noticed two Saskatchewan license plates. Now, each province has its own style of license plate, it goes without saying, and each province has a little advertisement worked into each provincial plate, such as, in Saskatchewan's case, "Land of living skies". Don't you want to go there now, and see? With the living skies and everything? No? Maybe "Canada's ocean playground", Nova Scotia, is more tempting to you? Newfoundland and Labrador, apparently, make up "A world of difference"! That might be nice! Or not!
Here's the thing: since I don't drive around Vancouver saying "Beautiful British Columbia" over and over in my head with each license plate I see, it's likely Albertans (Albertans?) and Saskatchewaners (uh?) learn to ignore their provincial catchphrases as well. Who knows, maybe other people don't stare at license plates while they drive. Maybe they focus on the task at hand. But some of these, dare I say, euphemisms, have got to be harder to routinely swallow than others. Let's explore!
Saskatchewan: "Land of living skies". Already, this is vague and somewhat threatening, but Saskies (wee!) must have thought anything was better than their earlier two lines, "Home of the RCMP" (watch yourself), and "Wheat province" (just kill yourself).
Alberta: "Wild Rose Country". They did their best here, I guess, with what they had to work with. Obviously, they wanted to avoid mention of cattle. They succeeded. Bravo.
Ontario: "Yours to discover". Is it? Is it? This sounds like a pleading invitation to me. Either simply pitiable (please visit us) or creepy and vindictive (come and get it). I really feel Ontario didn't need to go this route. Surely they have more going for them than that? Lakes, perhaps? A large city that many Americans think is our nation's capital? A poor effort.
B.C.: "Beautiful British Columbia". Right, everything seems to be in order here. Moving on.
Manitoba: "Friendly Manitoba". At least it has GREAT PERSONALITY, right guys? Eh? Seriously though, I have no idea what Manitoba is like. I just think this line must be a real kick in the crotch when the guy in the car that just cut in front of you is giving you the finger.
Quebec: "Je me souviens". Forgive my ignorance, but does this have to do with a war, or something? What are they remembering? Is it all those "speak white" jokes we used to make? Those were funny! Guys! And what happened to "La belle province", anyway? I sense a little tiff between my province and yours, Quebec...ers.
Northwest Territories/Nunvut: "Explore Canada's Arctic Northwest Territories/Nunavut". I'm sure these two provinces are very different and each very special. However, they both have license plates shaped like angry bears, and they both sound desperate. Feel sorry for them.
Nova Scotia: "Canada's Ocean Playground". I didn't realize Nova Scotia was Canada's ocean playground. Did you? In fact, I don't think I've ever noticed this license plate before. Now I'm just pissed I have to go so far to get my ocean playfulness on.
Newfoundland + Labrador: "A world of difference". They share a single plate. Aw. But the line is disturbing, and hopefully not entirely true.
Yukon: "The Klondike". Um. Alright.
New Brunswick: Has no line. How on earth will we know what they want us to think they are?!
Prince Edward Island: "Birthplace of confederation". Good work, guys. This is the Canadian equivalent to America's "Birthplace of aviation". Both beg the question: but what are they doing now? It's the birthplace of has-been-dom. Zing!
Next week: stamps, (but really, no).
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5 comments:
Hee!
Sass likes to save of "Je me Souviens," "They want to remember that they lost!"
Then today when we were in the mall, and had problems reading something in French, I said to her, "why didn't they just shoot all the French way back then when they lost? Then I wouldn't have had to learn their language, and my life would be a lot easier. This is a lesson all rulers should learn: never let your enemies live, because they'll just rise up and cause you problems in the future. Kill them all when you have the chance."
...And I got a significant, silent look, the same one I used to give my dad when he'd say things like "AIDS is nature's way of population control." (He said this the last time I saw him, although he has dropped the morality addendum which he usually tries to sneak in.)
Then I said, "uh, I was totally just kidding there, kiddo. Right? Eh!? I didn't mean it! I'm not a fascist, I swear! Sarcasm, right? Irony, right? Look, I'm not white neither!"
Les enfants, ils sont trop difficles pour mon petit cerveau.
Je me souviens is clearly the best. Obviously. You can tell, a-priori, that the person who is saying "je me souviens" is some hotly rugged french vetran soldier, circa Louis Papineau, who has felt the fire of the cannon blast and the darting tounges of the enemies' frost-keen sabres. He knows he is sinking into the cold alien earth, but his death is a wire lashing the fleece of france onto Canada's broad back. Yes! YES! WE REMEMBEEEEER!!!!!
The person saying "Canada's ocean playground" is a man with an affected squeaky voice, dressed up in an ill-fitting dolphin suit.
They should SO make license plate action figures!
Claire--this last post was so darn good that I almost gave up blogging altogether. Your writing is so beyond anything my tired little brain can muster. Get thee into the creative writing program!
Sidenote--er, how DO you know all the provincial license plate slogans?
I know! Claire is so sickening, in that sense. I want to hate her, but she's so nice that I just can't.
Thank you very much, nice'ns. Um. As for the slogans (a word I wish I'd thought of), I used Google.
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